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Rich People's FMLs

Daughter doesn't even like apples. FML.
— gwyneth02
Had a fling with a PC. Now have a virus. FML.
— justin_long
Vending machine in ladies' room of Club Pure doesn't take AmEx Black. FML
— lindslohan21
Successfully suppressed the weather, dissidents and proletarian attempts at protesting during a perfect 60th celebration down the Avenue of Eternal Peace. Unable to completely shield proletarians to the disruptive effects of pornography. FML
— Hu_Jintao   (submitted by Tim)
I'm three weeks "late." FML
— Gosselin_K8   (submitted by Mike R.)
Replaced all toilet tissue in my house with $50 bills. (I prefer the texture of legal tender.) This month, maid cost me $500 in wages and $14,500 in bathroom time. FML
— regisP
Thought my tubby Seth Rogen body was repelling women. So I slimmed down. Turns out, it's my Seth Rogen laugh. FML
— srogen
Net worth: $12 billion. Can I get someone to build me a decent hoverboard? No sir. FML
— carlicahn
To tell you the truth, I don't really like kids that much. FML
— b_pitt
Made it into heaven, but guess who greeted me at the pearly gates. FMAL.
— TKennedy0825
Botox no longer cutting it. Doctor recommended the Brazil treatment. FML
— KatieCouric
Tried to have an affair with an older man. Couldn't find anyone older. FML
— CathZetaJones
FDA just called my assistant. Said they won't allow kitten tears to be used as an ingredient in my new fragrance. FML
— parisH1981
Just Googled myself. 917,000. Then Googled Larry Page. 21,300,000. FML
— Sergey_Brin
Oh great. Now they've come up with LeBron beef. FML
— kobeBB
Was just called a Girly Man by state Sen. Elaine Alquist. FML.
— ASchwarzenegger
Just realized how many friends I would have if I weren't a billionaire. FML
— zuckD
Thought Eggs Benedict might taste better if made by Pope. Spent $50,000 on private plane to Rome. Turns out, they taste about the same. FML
— U2bono
Even *I* like Fake Steve Jobs better than the real Steve Jobs. FML
— RealSteveJobs
Larry King just called me out on being a multimillionaire while railing against the rich in my new movie. FML
— MichaelMoore007
Lost $13 million playing blackjack. In one hand. FML
— WarrenBuffett   (submitted by shaun)
Was mistaken for Donnie. FML
— markyM
Had to drive the same Jag into work twice in one month. FML
— leno999
Have to venture north of 110th St. today. FML
— mBloomberg
The boy I've been singing about in all of my songs just jumped on stage and interrupted my VMA speech. FML
— Tswift
Everybody keeps walking in my line of sight. FML
— ChristianB
Can't shave beard; no razor strong enough. FML
— ChuckNorris
Helicopter pilot has the night off, just when I get a killer craving for some Pat's Steaks. FML
— TomCruiseLRH
Malia just dared Sasha to press a red button she wasn't supposed to press. FML
— Barry-POTUS
Went on a gold-plating kick last week. Have since realized that gold-plated body parts are a bad, bad idea. FML
— TigerWoods80
Decided to adopt because I wanted to avoid pregnancy-related constipation. Am constipated anyway. FML.
— KHeigl
Maid forgot to refresh my towel. Had to dry myself off with the same one I used yesterday. FML.
— OprahWinfrey1400
Built my own Money Bin and tried to swim in it like Scrooge McDuck, but found it painful due to weak shoulders. FML
— BGatesMSoft
Originally had Joe Biden booked, but had last-minute cancellation. Now have to settle for Horatio Sanz. FML
— SColbert12
Dishwasher broke down last night, for third time this week. Something about missing her family. Why can't I find emotionally stable help? FML
— MarkCuban777